Its No Wonder Clients Tell Me They Want To Hide

Thank goodness so many advances have been made in our understanding of obesity. There are more options now available for people living with obesity, in the form of surgery and medication for those who have found diet and exercise alone not helpful.

However, what seems to not be changing, are the judgements and assumptions made by the general public towards people living with excess weight. As if their own struggles are not enough, for people with excess weight, the world is still steeped in weight bias.

I work in a bariatric clinic and hear stories every week from clients about the shame and sadness clients experience from being misunderstood  by friends, family, lovers, and colleagues.

Another layer of distress is having to absorb the judgement from people you don't personally know. There are always a multitude of comments from strangers saying all people need to do is not eat as much, start exercising, or quit sugar.

The most frequent word I hear from my clients is "hiding". They are hiding from the world because the world unfairly judges them and makes their weight a moral issue. Some stop socialising because they don't want people to comment on their weight. Going shopping for clothes is an unpleasant experience. There is the anxiety about travel, of being seen to be too big for a seat on a bus or plane, or squeezing into a tiny toilet cubicle. Dating and romance can feel daunting because of the bias and stigma out there. Even in medical settings the stigma is evident when hospital gowns don't fit, blood pressure cuffs are too small, worrying about being able to fit in to an MRI machine, dental chairs being too small, and the chairs in the waiting rooms often being too small.

Then the irony hits, that when people tell their friends or loved ones they have made the decision to start weight loss medications or have booked in for surgery, they are shamed again. My clients tell me that they've endured comments such as"That's the easy way out", and"Why don't you just eat a bit less and move a bit more?", and "That's a waste of money. Other people can lose weight and not need help, why can't you?"

And so the hiding takes on another layer, of hiding not only in one's day-to-day life, but also not feeling safe to share your experience or feel supported when you do reach out for help and support.

Damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

We still have such a long way to go. We need many more safe places and conversations where people are able to share their experiences without feeling judged and shamed.

Ginette Lenham © July 2024